Did you know that even the slightest bit of neglect to your self-care routine could ruin your entire day? Yes, it is true, I kid you not. As a quick and simple example, let’s say you usually go to bed (let’s pretend you already practice self-care and have this part down. If you really do, kudos!) around 8 pm every single night and wake up at 6:30 am to start your day. Last night the baby was fussy or the dog had the runs and you had to take him/her out every 30 minutes (insert your problem here) so you didn’t make it to bed until 1 am. You wake up, on time at 6:30 (or maybe you don’t, it’s crappy either way), and you immediately realize how tired you are still feeling.
Right off the jump you start thinking about how you won’t be able to focus, you may miss out on running a few errands (insert task here), and already you are in a not so great mood. Within the next few hours, things will frustrate you more easily, you won’t be able to think as clearly, and you may even decide to take a cat nap in the middle of the day, which would put you behind schedule even more. All the while the only thing you can come up with as to why you have been blessed with a crappy day is because it’s…well…just one of those days. The point I would like to make here is this: yes, you may still have a crappy day no matter how you slice it, but you can manage the frustrations and make better choices if you can start becoming aware of why you are having a crappy day.
You can better prepare yourself for the tasks ahead, the social interactions you will experience, and even plan for how you will deal with the frustrations that our children throw at us.
Reading this, how does it make you feel? Have you been thinking about self-care in your own life? As a parent, I have always had trouble with self-care. I didn’t even realize it was a big problem that was holding me back from a great life until my therapist mentioned it to me. Yes, I said therapist. Part of my self-care is meeting with my therapist bi-weekly, but I used to see him every week. Progress!
There are so many misconceptions and, what I like to call “judgment calls”, on providing self-care for yourself. Throughout the last two years, I have practiced self-care and even before that I had a yearning in my belly to do special things, that required time to myself, for me. I have made so many changes to my daily interactions with loved ones, my daily routine, and learning how to bring “me-time” into the family vocabulary.
When someone says the words “self-care” what do you think of? What beliefs do you have about the term? Have you ever even thought of it before? Below, I would like to add some emphasis to a few areas that will include Misconceptions, Examples of self-care, and what self-care does not mean.
You’re invited to BE FEATURED in my upcoming article!
Before I dive in too deep, let me add this teeny tiny invite right here.
*Please fill out the Self-Care Q&A Form I created for this topic! *
If you don’t make it all the way through the article, as I know I write a lot (the more info the merrier -I am merrier anyways!), fill out what you can and snag a spot to be featured in my upcoming article.
Be an Anchor in your family and now in your online community!
For more insight on your path to better Self-Care please check out the article on “Awareness”. This is a great sidekick to the Self-Care Guide! Make this one of your next endeavors! I will be glad to help out as well and you can email me personally on my Contact Me page!
Now on to the juicy stuff! –
What is Self-Care?
- Self-Care – By Definition-is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health; the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
- Self-Care– My own words- doing small things that make you feel comfortable and clear-headed (being outdoors, painting, reading); taking care of your basic needs regularly (sleep, food, hygiene); and doing things that you want to do for yourself that will make you feel secure and happy in the future (goal setting, chasing your dreams, saving money). If you are doing some, or all, of these things you will feel good about yourself. You will feel alive and confident instead of feeling worthless and like a burden or feeling like your wants/needs are an inconvenience to others. Once you start giving yourself some of the care that you give to everyone else you realize why you needed it in the first place and you stop being so hard on yourself. That’s another plus!
Just as there are many great opinions and examples as to what Self-Care can or should entail, there are just as many, if not more, misconceptions. If you allow these judgmental and uneducated opinions (that most likely come from people that don’t practice self-care in the first place) creep into your thoughts you will either A.) give up or b.) feel wrong about what you are doing to improve your own lifestyle and mindset. You can’t have the good stuff that you would gain by practicing self-care and feel bad about yourself at the same time, they cancel each other out and it’s useless in the long-run.
10 Common Misconceptions about Self-Care
I would like to clear up ten of these inaccurate beliefs for you right now. Below are the misconceptions that I have encountered and conquered since the beginning of my journey with self-care. They include but are not limited to these different “beliefs” (or as I call most of them “excuses to not start practicing due to [this] fear”) :
1. Self-Care is selfish
2. It has to be something outstanding and out of this world
3. I won’t have time to practice Self-Care
4. People will judge me or make fun of me
5. I will be taking away from loved ones or others that I care for
6. I can’t afford to practice Self-Care
7. There is a step-by-step “Guide” to doing it right
8. I have to do this alone
9. Self-Care is a privilege
10. Self-Care requires a radical change in my lifestyle
The Truth About These 10 Misconceptions
1. Self-Care is selfish-
Yes, you will have to take time for yourself. Yes, you will have to tell someone “No” in order to care for yourself. (All my people pleasers out there, this is for you!) Would you take time out of your day to make sure someone else got the things they needed? Who does that for you? I have traveled the path of pleasing everyone but myself because I thought that was what happiness consisted of. I thought if I made everyone else happy, in turn, I myself would be happy. In reality, though, I ended up feeling overwhelmed, feeling unhappy, and feeling lonely.
When I started to research “Happiness” and how I could get it, at a very low point in my life, [a post for another time] I started to realize how much I didn’t do for myself. Nothing really, at all! I wanted to do certain things but I kept telling myself I needed to wait until my children were older so I could focus or else I would fail. It also didn’t help that I didn’t have support from loved ones and that they, too, told me I should wait because I would overwhelm myself by adding to my list of “To-Do’s”. The reality of it was that if I started doing things for myself that would, in turn, take time away from doing things for them, and they knew it. My goals and my needs were an inconvenience to them so of course, they came up with a “logical” reason as to why I shouldn’t do these things. But I was the one that allowed them to talk me out of it all together! In my mind, I thought that my “reason” to wait and put my needs on the back burner for a more “logical” time, made sense. I told myself I would look like a fool if I chased these things and failed after I was “warned” that it would be too much for me to handle. That’s how it happens and that’s how people, that don’t want to make changes in their own life, talk a person, that does want to make changes, out of an entire lifetime of happiness.
There are two kinds of negative people that will haunt you when you want to start making a change in your life. (this is my own opinion) The first kind is the one that will tell you, “Yes, it’s a good idea and I will support you”, and then they don’t support you when it comes down to the nitty-gritty and their true color shines through. The other kind is the one that slowly but surely makes you feel so insecure about your decision to change that they will eventually talk you out of it altogether.
Now that I have come to realize this I watch out for these two types of people in my life. I make sure I take every opinion they have for me with a grain of salt. That’s exactly what their words are, opinions, not facts. You won’t know anything until you try it, adjust or adapt it, and then try again. You will know if it is a “right decision” or a “wrong decision” and that is your call, not somebody else’s. If it turns out to be a “wrong decision” you will have at least taken that leap, figured it out, and you can now mark that off your list!
I strongly believe that everything we choose to do, whether it be right or wrong, is nothing more than a life lesson. That also includes the choices we don’t make. Simple as that. We need to learn in order to make better choices and we can’t learn unless we do it. If we don’t make choices for ourselves somebody else will. More often than not, somebody else will make those choices based on the benefits they can gain for themselves in the end. Why wouldn’t they? The truth is, happiness is not born out of making others happy or putting others before yourself, I promise. It only pulls you in the opposite direction of where your own happiness is found. I am not saying to be completely selfish and never put anyone else before yourself, but there needs to be a balance.
I say from experience, “It’s okay to practice self-care and if you are looking for permission (as so many people-pleasers do) I am giving it to you right here, right now!” People pleasers look for permission that is never verbally asked for to begin with (hints and indirect comments don’t count as asking) and we are left feeling neglected because we never get the “go ahead” that we wait for. Closed mouths won’t get fed. [A side note here- you do not ever need to ask someone for permission to live your life and do things for yourself. You do not ever in your life need to ask for permission to make yourself happy! Please understand this gigantic and life-changing truth!
I am going off-topic for just a sec here but it’s for good reason and ties into self-care. I am not in any way, shape, or form telling you how to live your life. I am not a relationship counselor and I don’t give people relationship advice as a career choice or for pay but I will say this regardless. If you are in a relationship and your “other half” refuses to give you support in your endeavors for better self-care (or self-care in general) I would suggest finding another “other half”. I say this because two people that love each other should be doing all they can to help one another become the best versions of themselves. Relationships consist of sacrificing things for each other. Not extreme sacrifices but small ones. Is this not why we get into a relationship in the first place? To better ourselves and grow?
At first, things may be a bit bumpy and feel awkward because it’s new and unexplored territory. Just know that adapting and adjusting is normal and if you really want it you would do good to at least try and make changes that will make it easier and more enjoyable for both of you. How great would it feel if someone said to you, “You look like you need a “pick me up”, why don’t you go take a nice long bubble bath and I’ll tend to the kids for a while”. I bet there are at least a few people reading this that have never even had this thought enter their mind! How crazy is that? I never thought it was crazy until I started practicing self-care and started reaping the benefits and “danging” myself for not doing it sooner.
In my opinion, people-pleasing is the 8th Deadly Sin.] Back to the topic at hand!
2. It must be something outstanding or out of this world-
The explanation for this is quite simple. You go on vacation once a year, unless you are fortunate to go more, and this is something that I would consider to be outstanding and out of this world! Vacation is something you save money for and something you plan for in advance. Self-care doesn’t require much time or effort to accomplish.
A personal example to show you how simple self-care really is would be when I have an overwhelming day with the kids and the house chores/errands I run during the day. I take a nice hot bubble bath, either when the kids go to bed or when my fiancé tends to them, and I spice up my tub time in a few different ways. I like to make it special just for me. I must admit my love for water now.
Bath time is one of my favorite, prime, self-care needs on my personal self-care list. I wouldn’t be practicing self-care without this one basic need and I refuse to give it up. It’s my “must-have” on the list and I refuse to go without it. When I have tub time I add bubbles, Epsom salt, and bath oatmeal to the water. I make the water extra hot because I like to feel the heat soak into my bones. I light both incense and candles and I place the candles on the side of the tub to get that glow on my walls. I put my daughter’s potty beside the tub (it’s a wooden hand-made potty and oh so cute) and I use it as a mini-table.
I lay my vape, my phone, my drink, and my special pens and notebook on the little wooden toilet seat. I take notes even in the tub. It’s my time to do as I please and I know I can, usually, go uninterrupted for quite some time so tub time is also reading time as well! Books are my way of life and if I had to choose tub time or books I would choose my first love- books! (shh…don’t tell the tub-yes, I know that was “cheezy” but sometimes I let my inner-child win and you should too! It’s fun!)
Before I jump in I turn on either white noise, rain, or Tibetan singing bowls (amazing sounds) to block out the noise of my kids racing up and down the hallway. Sometimes one of my kids will decide to pop in on me and I have to shoo them out, or get out of the tub and physically put them out. My bathroom lock has been an on and off asset but my fiancé just fixed it again the other day. Yippie! Sometimes I am in the tub for so long that someone has to come in to use the potty, then I shoo them out immediately.
Tub time is my time and everyone knows it is very important to me. Once you figure out what your “me time” consists of it will be important to make it very clear to the people around you that you expect to go uninterrupted unless there is an emergency. If your “other half” can’t find the remote then he needs to wait until you are done to ask you to find it or he needs to try to find it himself. This is crucial to your “me time” and nobody will know your expectations unless you verbally tell them.
3. I don’t have time to practice Self-Care –
You do have time. Think about and understand this important truth. You can’t make time for yourself, you have to take the time you need. I had to learn this the hard way and by trial and error but you will never know when the right time is unless you at least try to add these special occasions to your life.
For example, I know that it would be impossible for me to sit down and read or study while my kids are awake and my fiancé is not present. It would cause me frustration and I wouldn’t be able to focus. Before I became aware of this I used to try to do it and through trial and error, mostly error, I learned it’s not a good idea. When I did try to read or study with my kids present, and my fiancé not present, I would get agitated, I would get flustered in my thoughts, and I would become impatient with my kids. My entire day would consist of me trying to read, getting interrupted, tending to the kids or whatever would come up, then I would sit back down frustrated that I lost my train of thought.
This was a cycle and it would happen over and over until I put my book away and gave up. Once I put my book away I would think about how awful of a day I was having and I would moan and groan about never having time to do anything that I wanted to do for myself. Yes, I would moan and groan like a baby, but that’s what happens when you feel sorry for yourself, and I did. I would think about everything I did for everyone else and I would complain, to myself, about nobody doing anything for me. But nobody knew I needed them to do anything for me because I never voiced it and birthed my thoughts into the world. Does this sound like anyone you know? Not until recently. Very recently.
When I started researching and putting what I read into action,(another important fact: don’t just learn about it, be proactive and put what you learn to use. If you don’t, what’s the point?) I started to realize a lot of change within my relationships with the people I was the closest to.
[My journey “up” the path of self-care will be in a future post]
For example, when I first started practicing self-care, I was alone and walking through the woods on a trail. I love nature and being outside in it! I received a phone call from someone asking me to do something for them and I told that person “No”! It was the first, of many times, that I would put my wants and needs before someone else’s.
It felt amazing to do this but at the same time, it felt unnatural and wrong. All of which is completely okay and normal. Usually, if I was doing something for myself, like taking a walk, I would get a pit in my stomach if my phone rang. Does this also sound like anyone you know? This led me to turn my phone off completely, which led to bickering with people that tried to contact me when they needed something. Now that I look back at how much people expected of me, I wonder how I ever survived the insanity of trying to juggle what I was doing all the time. But when I picked up the phone and told the person on the other side “No”, that pit in my stomach started to get smaller and my heart didn’t feel as heavy. I questioned myself, wondering if what I had just done was right or wrong. I felt like I had just left my best friend in a ditch for dead. It was hard to process, but it was the right thing to do, for both of us.
Not only do you have to learn how to handle situations like these, but you are also in the process of teaching others (forcing others) how to handle their own life without you jumping at their every request/ demand. At first, it’s harder on them than it is on you because they get upset and start to question your loyalty to them (also normal and okay). Nobody likes change but change for the better is…well…better. You get your “me time” and the others learn to tend to their own needs themselves, as an adult should! Don’t get it twisted, though, the “people pleaser” is in the wrong just as much as the one receiving the benefits of this awful life rotting disease. In this case, change is definitely good and for the best.
4. People will judge me or make fun of me-
They may. Yes. And it may bother you at first. Let me ask you one simple question here. Would you rather spend the rest of your life wishing you had done things for yourself because of what other people might say about you? Or would you rather make the changes, let them judge you or make fun of you, and then let them see how happy you are for it? If it were me, and it is me, I would choose the second option.
One tiny fact that many people overlook is that change for the better is addictive. People need to see it happen before they attempt it sometimes. Most of the time they will follow suit and make changes in their own life once they have witnessed how much good it has done for someone else. They need to be shown that it’s okay to do it. I know it sounds crazy but that’s usually how it happens. Either that or people wait to make changes once something tragic happens and they are forced to change. I would rather choose to make my own changes and control how I make those changes, as well as know what the outcome will be once the changes are made.
Sometimes the only thing you can know for sure about the decisions you are making is that something good will be at the finish line. For me, that’s all I need to know. Knowing that something better than what I have right now is all it takes for me sometimes. Of course, you can’t tackle everything in the same way, but when it comes to bettering my life, that’s all I need to know to get started! Then the trial and error part comes into play and eventually I learn what I need to do and how I need to do it.
In order to really make changes, special, life changes, you have to know what you want to change and why you want to change it. It will help you tremendously in your decision-making process. It also helps out when you need to explain yourself to a loved one, or someone that has earned an explanation from you (you don’t have to explain yourself to everyone) when people start asking you why you are doing things differently within your lifestyle, your daily habits, and/or your behaviors.
5. Taking time away from my loved ones or others I care for-
You will have to do this, either way you slice it. You give people your time and they should give you theirs. It’s not like you will be disappearing for days at a time. Self-care means doing little things that make you feel good. Some of these things are already done on a regular basis and I want to talk about those things really quick. Some of us get so busy and overwhelmed with everyday life that we don’t do these simple “must-haves” as much as we should. This goes back to my first example of sleep. We need sleep, we need food, we need to socialize (although I don’t care much for it, it is still important), we need to shower and practice good hygiene, we need these things in our life regardless of time and must find time to do it. We need these things to survive. The same is true about self-care and we also need these special moments and occasions in our life so that we can stay mentally healthy and accomplish more.
These everyday self-care “musts” mean more to our survival and happiness than we realize. We don’t think about them in this way because they seem so common and obvious, but go without a shower for a couple of days and see how you feel about yourself. Go without sleep, good sleep, for even a single day and you don’t get as much done and also have trouble focusing as well as you usually do. I want you to realize how important it is to take care of yourself, your needs and your wants. It all ties into self-care and in the long run you become a happier person and feel more confident. If you are happy and confident you accomplish more every day and when you accomplish more you feel even more confident and happy. See my point here? Start crossing things off of your own “To-Do” list and stop completing everyone else’s.
Spoiler Alert!!
Anyone with children will have to go through the guilt of feeling like you are being selfish for taking time for yourself. It’s part of the game. You just have to keep telling yourself that you are doing this for them and because of this sacrifice, you will become a better parent. Because you will. There is just no denying this truth.
6. I can’t afford to practice Self-Care –
You don’t have to. Self-care consists of little effort and little to no money at all. It depends on what you want to do for yourself. Do you want to go get your nails done? Do you want to take a nice quiet walk in the woods? Do you want to isolate yourself for a few hours so that you can catch up on that great book you started last week? Or just meditate?! It all depends on what you want to do with the time you make for yourself.
You have to start with getting that time for yourself first, though. Once you voice it and let people know that you plan to start practicing self-care so that you become a better version of yourself, then you can figure out exactly what it is that you want, or have been craving, to do for yourself.
What have you been yearning for lately? What type of things have you thought about doing, but decided that you needed to shove it to the back of your mind for now? Maybe take a walk in a quiet area and take a minute to process that you have accomplished the first step in your self-care routine by letting people know about it. During that walk, you can soak up the feeling of the weight of the world lifting off your chest and smile about it, and then start thinking about what you want to do with this time in the future.
You don’t have to have a laid-out blueprint of what you have to do. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to! That’s the best part! It’s your time. Which leads me to the next truth about misconception number 7!
7. I have to have a step-by-step “Guide” to doing it right-
There is no manual. There is no right or wrong way. There are opinions and misconceptions and then there’s what you do with all of this information. Do not let this information go in one ear and out the other. You are here, reading this, for a reason. You need to practice self-care, and we all do. Self-care is not for a specific group of people and it is not only for wealthy people that do the outrageous and expensive things in life. Self-care is natural and needed by all! You can most definitely come up with your own “Guide” that suits your needs and wants. You can also offer it to other people as an example. But don’t ever let anyone tell you that you must practice self-care a certain way or you are doing it wrong because they are wrong. Everybody has a busy schedule, many people have children, and many people have mental health issues that would greatly benefit from the use of a self-care technique or routine.
8. I have to do this alone-
There are so many people practicing self-care. There is so much information that you can find in books, magazines, and online. You will not be the only one trying to figure out how to practice self-care and you can ask someone to help you and/or do it with you. For example, when my fiance and I went to our festival we were practicing self-care together by getting away from our kids and spending that alone time with each other. Another example is when my fiance goes to the gym to exercise. I watch the kids and he leaves for a few hours. When he gets home he tends to the kids while I go into another room in the house and I do my work or study and take notes. We both agree that doing these things for ourselves and doing the things we want to do individually and not at each other’s side, would help us grow into a better version of ourself.
Not everyone has someone that can help them with the kids, but there are resources that can be utilized if you really want to make this happen. Get a babysitter. Ask a family member or one of the older kids to watch the little ones for an hour. There are gyms that provide childcare while you exercise and work out. Research, look into different options, and utilize your resources! Even if you just need 10 minutes to isolate and take in a few deep breaths, that is what self-care can be for you. You can always build your way up to something that takes more time, but at the very least, do something only for yourself.
9. Self-Care is a privilege-
You do not have to do something extravagant in order to be blessed with the benefits that come from practicing self-care. You don’t have to wait until your children are older and then chase your dreams and goals. You can’t take care of your children and be an anchor for your family if you are not up to par and feel like the world hates you every day that you wake up.
Taking care of your children, as you know, can only be done in the best way possible if you are loving and taking care of yourself first. I feel that one of the most important concepts behind practicing self0care is the fact that we are showing our child/ren that it is okay to love and care for themselves when they get old enough to start making these types of decision. If they grow up watching their parent complain every day about how they never get to do anything for themselves then what do you think they are going to do when they have children? Then this will keep the cycle going. Break the cycle! I have! Now my children watch me every single day tackle things that I used to never do.
I tell my daughter all the time that I am working. Even though I am sitting right beside her she will know when she gets older that I worked toward my own goals while being a S.A.H.M. At first she didn’t understand what I was doing because her father is the one that works outside of the home.
Me being in the home, saying that I am working, was very confusing for her at first. Now she knows what she can and cannot touch and she will sit with me and pretend to work by my side! How cute is that?! I am very happy that I have taken the initiative in my life to go after my goals. Now, every time I sit down to work, my daughter, and my three other children, witness that it is possible to be a momma bear and do things for myself as well.
When she grows up she, as well as her brothers, will never have to struggle with the same things I have had to work through, out of fear of failing my children or neglecting them. My children will be taught at a very young age that it is okay to make their own decisions instead of letting everyone else make the decisions for them. They will be independent and confident and they will be happy most of all and if they ever need advice or feel like they are wrong about their choices, they will have me (a mother experienced in practicing self-care) to help guide them through it. You are setting everybody up for success if you choose to do things for yourself. So many great things can come from it!
10. Self-Care requires a radical change in my lifestyle-
You don’t even have to worry about this misconception because you will make radical changes in your lifestyle. Some people assume that you must first make drastic changes, and overnight, in order to call what you are doing self-care. The truth about this misconception is that you don’t have to make any radical changes because utilizing a self-care practice will cause these radical changes to happen without any extra effort. What do you think about that? Like I mentioned before, self-care makes you happy and confident, which leads to more success and more growth, which then leads to more happiness and confidence. This is how your radical lifestyle change happens.
How to get started with Self-Care
- The only thing you need to start practicing self-care is a yearning to better your lifestyle, a yearning to improve the way you feel about yourself, a yearning to stop allowing life to beat you down and make you feel so defeated, and/ or a yearning to teach your child/ren how to be confident and bring happiness into their life themselves.
- You don’t need to buy anything fancy. You don’t need to create a blueprint of what you will be doing. This is nothing like an exercise routine. This is what makes you feel good at any given time and it will depend on what your environment is like and the people you have around you. These two things matter because you will need to figure out how to tell people what you plan to start doing for yourself (voice it and give this want/ need a life) and the environment matters because you clearly cannot take a bath if you are at a family reunion and suddenly feel claustrophobic or anxious and need some self-care in the moment.
Tips for Success in your pursuit of Self-Care
- Tell people what you need
- Be persistent
- Be consistent
- Don’t let anyone talk you out of it
- Ask for help when it’s needed
- Utilize surrounding resources
- Be aware of the things you are doing for yourself and be aware of how they make you feel. Ask yourself if there are any other wants or needs that you could add to your self-care routine to make it better.
- Every 3-6 months reflect on where you were when you started and where you are at the present moment. How much have you achieved? How are your moods? Do you feel happier or more anxious/ overwhelmed? If you do feel anxious and overwhelmed you need to ask yourself what is causing this and adjust your routine to better suit the lifestyle you are trying to create.
- Keep a journal of your moods, what you are doing for self-care, and the dates and times you are doing them. This will help you when it comes time to reflect back on where you have been and where you are going.
- Figure out your what and your why so you can be better prepared to explain your plans to anyone that deserves your explanation. Again, you don’t have to explain yourself to everyone, but your loved ones should know so they can help you, and they can also learn and grow with you!
Common Questions/FAQ About practicing Self-Care
Question 1: Can I practice self-care with other people?
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- Most definitely! If you can find someone that has the same interests and needs as you have, the more self-care the merrier! I practice certain self-care techniques with my children as well. They need it just as much as I do and now they will say things like, “I want to relax in the tub for a while” or “I just want to have some time to myself right now”. I kid you not. They already know how to voice their wants, needs, and feelings to others and they know it’s okay to do so!
Question 2: Will I have to practice self-care for the rest of my life?
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- The easiest way I can answer this question is by giving a solid YES as an answer. I will tell you why. Once you start you won’t want to stop and you shouldn’t. You will always need to take care of yourself in order to stay happy and healthy. You may have moments in your life when you slack off on your self-care practices, life will never be perfect, but you will catch back up and start again.
Question 3: What should I do if my “other half” refuses to support my efforts of a Self-Care routine?
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- This is a great question. This is also very common and can be very stressful in a relationship. I suggest you have a sit-down and speak with your “other half” about what self-care really means. Usually, they don’t support it because they have no idea as to what you are really trying to do with your life. Once you express yourself and explain what self-care is and what it would mean for you to be able to do it and he/she still doesn’t want to support your efforts, I would suggest ending the relationship. If you are not able to grow and become the best version of yourselves together, what’s the point of the relationship in the first place? And please don’t say, “But we have children together” because that is nothing more than an excuse to avoid making changes to better your lifestyle. Been there done that, over and over, and now I am preaching about how important self-care is to me and could mean to you, too. If something or somebody is holding you back and making you feel like your wants and needs are not important then you need to get rid of that something or somebody and stop settling right now. You can, and will, have better if you make it so, and this is also something that you have to choose and make appropriate changes for on your own.
Question 4: What should I say to the people that I want to tell and that I may need help from during the first phase of Self-Care?
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- Like anything new and untouched this will require some Q&A, and a follow up on the topic would help you both make sure your ideas and understandings are clear. Start with a conversation, if it is someone you will need help from in the future, make some compromises about what you can do for each other and let them know what you think you will need from them. Nothing needs to be set in stone and letting them know this ahead of time will do wonders and make them feel more comfortable about agreeing to help. You guys can always make adjustments and figuring out everything as you go.
Question 5: How will practicing self-care make me feel?
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- I can only answer this question by expressing my own feelings that I have experienced through my personal self-care practices. When I have a good self-care routine going for me, I feel grounded in my body and soul, I feel clear-headed when I am trying to focus on tasks and work, I feel motivated to start my day and any tasks I have to complete for the day, I have more patience with my children, and at the end of the day I feel less anxious and I sleep more deeply. Not only does my mind feel at peace, but my body and my skin feels cleaner, healthier, and soft to the touch. It’s not perfect but it’s better. I have way more confidence in the things I do every day and the opinions of others never make me back out of my endeavors. I used to let certain opinions and criticizing comments bother me, but I have control of my own life now and I know what and why I am doing them. I make the calls on everything I do with or without the help and opinions of others getting in my way or weighing me down.
Question 6: Will I end up losing friends and ending relationships When I Start My Self-Care Routine?
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- Also, another great question and one that you will have to think about. Yes, if you have friends and people in your life that don’t want you to do things for yourself, you will end up losing people that you care for. But is it worth it, to keep them around when they are refusing to give you the self-care that you need? Is it worth it, to keep being that people-pleaser and crossing out their list of “To-Do’s” instead of your own? I feel that if I lose people in my circle of friends (which is smaller than you could imagine) then it was for the best and I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t let them go. The ones that are worthy of your love and friendship will stick around and the ones that are not will dwindle away. Let them see who you become because of the efforts you make to improve your life. Maybe they will catch on and start making changes, too. Maybe they will go so far as to apologize to you for giving up on your friendship and letting you travel your journey alone, and they will ask you for advice on how they, too, can become a better person like you.
The Main Thing You Need to Know about Self-Care:
- If you got anything helpful from this article I hope it’s that you realize how important it really is to put yourself first. You don’t have to do this alone and I will be here to help you on your journey if you do decide to take my advice and aim for a better and more productive life. Start out simple and do something that doesn’t require help from other people at first. Like spicing up your bath time with some candles and adding smell goods to the water and just relaxing for a few minutes if that’s all you have.
- Please, tell me in the comments how your self-care routine helps you. Ask questions. Give some advice! I would love to hear what you have to say about this topic.
I hope you enjoyed this and good luck with your Self-Care Journey!
Bubble Bath Anyone?!
Don’t forget to fill out the Self-Care Questionnaire to snag a spot in my upcoming article!
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My Intentions For This Tribe- For a more in-depth view of what I am all about!
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xX Vivacious Momma Bear
